Tell her she can't have a vagina
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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