have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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