note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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