my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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