Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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