2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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