So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
