The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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