how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
