mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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