Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
