So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
