Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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