Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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