i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
