Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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