o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
