I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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