no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
