you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
