well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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