what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize