whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
