your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
