I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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