it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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