This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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