hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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