you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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