last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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