Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
