We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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