if i can run in heels then i can drive
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
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