I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
