Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
