I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
