I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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