its not stalking. its research.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
