____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
