Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
