So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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