I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize