At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
