Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
