She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
