she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
