just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
