ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize