i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
