Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
