I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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