Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
