I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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