don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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