She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
