Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize