some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
