i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize