Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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