I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
