i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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