i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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