chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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