another moral hangover. fuck.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
