I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
