Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize