In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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