It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dick very happy bro
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
